If you were to have open heart surgery tomorrow, what would your heart look like? I’m not talking about the bloody messy medical type. I’m talking about the – take a magnifying glass and have a good look inside my heart to see if there’s any junk in there – type of heart surgery.
The first page of my 2019 journal has this scripture jotted down on it:
“Teach me more about you, how you work and how you move, so that I can walk onward in your truth until everything within me brings honor to your name.”
Psalms 86:11 TPT
As I asked God to search my heart and highlight all the areas of my heart that did not please him, I realized that there were a few things stuck inside there that were holding me captive that I had to turn over to God – so that everything within me would bring honor to His name.
I was holding so tightly on to a dream that God had nestled into my heart. At some point, the dream became bigger than He was. There were moments that it was all-consuming. Did you know that even God-sized, God-given dreams can become unhealthy if we view them bigger than God Himself? I felt God gently say this to me, ‘Robynne, I want you to give up the one thing that you crave more than me.’ In my prideful and stubborn nature, I quickly responded with a careless thought. After much deliberation in my heart, I realized that there was something that I was holding on to with my white-knuckled clenched fists. And God was asking me to let that thing go.
I’m reminded of the story of the rich young ruler in Matthew 19. He was unwilling to give up the one thing he treasured most to follow Jesus. As I read this story, my heart immediately cried – ‘Lord, help me to not be like the rich young ruler. Help me, Father, to crave You first above everything else.’
Then a teenager approached Jesus and bowed before him, saying, “Wonderful teacher—is there a good work I have to do to obtain eternal life?”
Jesus answered, “Why would you call me wonderful? God alone is wonderful. And why would you ask what good work you need to do? Keep the commandments and you’ll enter into the life of God.”
“Which ones?” he asked.
Jesus said, “Don’t murder, don’t commit adultery, don’t steal, don’t lie, honor your father and mother, and love those around you as you love yourself.”
“But I’ve always obeyed every one of them without fail,” the young man replied. “What else do I lack?”
Jesus said to him, “If you really want to be perfect, go immediately and sell everything you own. Give all your money to the poor and your treasure will be transferred into heaven. Then come back and follow me for the rest of your life.”
When the young man heard these words, he walked away angry, for he was extremely wealthy.
Matthew 19:16-22 TPT
His desire is that I seek Him first, above all else. How can my heart be in a place of learning, if it tends to lean towards other loves? So I surrender my all, to the One who gave it all for me.
When I’m caught in this place where my earthly desires do not meet up with Kingdom values, I bury myself deep in Gods Word and allow His truth to penetrate my heart. As I wrestle these desires out of my system, I come face to face with a kind-hearted, gentle Father who loves on me and embraces me with His mercy and forgiveness.
When I follow His lead, I begin to flourish in His love. He allows me to dream again, dreams He birthed within me. Only now the dream is even bigger than before and its laced with purpose and promise. As I lay down my illusions, God is able to show me His intentions. As I give up my aspirations, God fills me with His assurance. His plan was perfectly plotted in a time where I did not exist. Yet He had me in mind when He issued the first draft.
“I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
Pslam 32:8
I will advise you and watch over you.
Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”